#—◆ ft. farlan church.

[moved-naitfall]

@worldhell asked:

" i stayed. " - from farlan !!!

the receiver has told the sender that they haven't slept for several days due to intense nightmares, and asks them to stay the night so that they might be able to sleep. send in " i stayed. " for the receiver to waken the next morning and find the sender to still be sitting by their bedside, having stayed the whole night to ensure they slept.

Change. Contrary to popular belief, Levi despised change of things. Adaptability may be a strength of his — he'd be the first to change himself whenever needed in order to survive under any circumstances — but far too attached to any sentiments made as he was, far too accustomed to letting go of everything important, he'd come to despite change. If only he could go back to their first home, the place Farlan and Isabel made their own. If only he could go back to the same morning routine from when his squad was still alive. If only he didn't have to witness the command of the Survey Corps change hands. Far too attached, yet the first to deny the shackles of the past in order to keep moving forward.

Suddenly, they had found themselves in a situation where nothing was the same. A world without Titans, a dream far too unrealistic to have come true. Enemies to their supposed homeland Paradis — the two of them had nowhere to belong, not really, citizens of the underground, of darkness. Having killed sacrificed one of their own ( they weren't that unfamiliar with it, were they? ), someone placed under his care, Eren, the one Levi used to believe was humanity's hope. Having survived long after they had submitted to certain death.

Farlan was alive. They had lost everything along the way, but they hadn't lost each other. Fighting was over, even if only temporarily. Fighting for their lives was over.

He couldn't recall when was the last time he had slept in a bed, mattress and all. Their roles reversed, the one sitting in the chair watching after him, being Farlan. For long Levi hadn't been able to sleep at all, his mind beginning to deteriorate as days passed and he couldn't close his eyes for longer than a few minutes. Insomnia had kept him company for years, since he lost his mother, but its leash had never been this tight, suffocating him, until he couldn't any longer breathe on his own. Weakness of body and mind wasn't entirely unfamiliar to him, yet this would make it the first time he'd allow the other see him in this pathetic state ( a state he couldn't help )— or so he thought.

Who would have thought, nightmares would come to haunt him the most when the real nightmare was over? He hadn't exactly asked Farlan to stay — the two didn't need words to communicate. The other had noticed, the only one who watched him same way Levi watched others, with piercing concern. ❝ Thank you. ❞ Showing gratitude wasn't what was painful, but once again relying on him, once again placing more weight on his shoulders than he was supposed to carry. His driving force he had been for many years — living for Farlan, to protect him, care for him, stay human for him, from when they were both young and full of grand dreams of sunlight. How could Levi keep holding him down, to his own darkness? If only he wasn't certain Farlan wouldn't let go.

He grabbed the cane by his bedside, attempting to get up with intention to get to the kitchen, before deciding otherwise, a sigh following his frustration. ❝ Have you eaten anything? ❞ Still recovering, still healing, still struggling on getting used to his body failing him. He wasn't supposed to be moving much, but he couldn't stay in one place either. Stubborn even when pain meddled with his ability to think, to act, to pretend to be his normal self.

[moved-naitfall]

❝ They're not coming back. ❞ His response a dry one, his instincts having rarely failed him in the many years they've been fighting side by side for their survival. The squad leader in charge of the group gone missing was an incompetent one, the Captain having noticed from the start: of the coward he was, one who could only value his own life in the face of gruesome death — a human being, who didn't know any better than to dedicate his life for a purpose he didn't understand. Based on raw skill they had chosen him to lead, talent becoming more rare these days, impossible to ignore in their ranks. Another one of his bets gone wrong. Another bet costing them lives ignorant of their predetermined doom.

His shoulders grew heavier. Another two-digit number added to the count of lives lost under their command — his command. For he carried both their sins, his and Erwin's.

He hadn't regretted his decision — he never would. Often when he saw Farlan stand by his side, in the same bloodsoaked battlefield they lost Isabel — in the same battlefield he had to pull him out of a Titan's stomach, Levi found himself barely recognizing him, despite being the only one to have changed. As if haunted by Farlan's ghost, as if he had actually died on that day. As if he remained by his side to remind him of who he had once been, someone who served his own selfish desires, who had no place to serve humanity. Someone Levi grew to despise, someone who'd get them all killed for his pride. Didn't he die on that day? Who Levi was? Hadn't loss shattered his heart, until his sense of being ceased to exist ?

If so, what part of him was Farlan still attached to? Why follow him in a lifetime of certain death? Were there any remnants of his past self, parts Erwin hadn't control over? How could he erase them out of existence? Make sure the other wouldn't fight somebody else's battle, but reside behind walls that'd keep him safe, if only for a while longer. For he deserved this second chance, instead of abandoning any chance at finding peace, only because Levi wasn't capable of it any longer. Their deal was of a different kind after all — stay together, as long as it was for both their benefit. How come Farlan hadn't realized yet?

❝ We can't go back yet. ❞ Another mission with nothing to report. Another mission they'd return empty-handed. Erwin wouldn't revoke the mission, not until they achieved anything, no matter how small. Normally he'd be the one to push for them to retreat, but he knew better — when it was his place to intervene, and when to stand back and follow orders. A look at the Commander's face was the answer he needed. ❝ If we retreat as it is, there's no guarantee there's going to be an expedition to follow. ❞

┊ ┊⋆ ┊ . 𝐼𝒻 𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝐿𝑜𝓈𝑒, 𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝒟𝒾𝑒 ◞ 𝖒𝖊𝖒𝖊 . accepting. ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ @naitfall ⤸ it'll get dark soon. | ( Levi and Farlan, maybe Farlan lives AU? )

Much had changed since his days in the Underground, and similarly, they were still fighting for their lives; it was ironic. Farlan takes position beside Levi, leaning against one of the many carts filled with various supplies for this excursion beyond the walls. It's funny ... how Levi had also changed, even if just in small ways. Well, Farlan always knew he had a kind heart ━━━ looks like he could finally put it to use out here, rather then let it sink in the depth of the Underground. He watches the captain silently for a few moments, before a grin twitches at his lips, and he exhales out a short laugh.

❝ Worried about the others that haven't returned yet? ❞ He wasn't too concerned; maybe, Farlan just wasn't so good hearted deep down. It's something he wondered time and time again; but, it didn't stop him from fighting, nor protecting those under his wing.

❝ They shouldn't have run into too much trouble. I don't think their dead. Besides, It'll be easier for them to avoid Titans when night finally falls. ❞ He runs a hand through his hair, ruffling the back in idly thought. ❝ Still ... our numbers aren't looking good as it is. What do you think Levi? Or rather, what do you think Erwin will do next? I can't imagine it'll do us much good to keep going at this rate. ❞ And yet, he still can't tell what that guy is thinking most of the time. Best Farlan could do is listen to his judgement; since he knows Levi won't go against it, and that meant Farlan wouldn't either.

[ii-naitfall]

You are precious to me. And this is not a secret. You are precious to me, evidently.

- Abdulsamad S. M.

[moved--naitfall]

@worldhell asked:

[ ARM ]: the sender rests a hand on the receiver's shoulder, their arm draped around them in order to do so. - farlan!

THE SHOULDER TOUCH. ( A PROMPT LIST! )

This shitty world was his enemy, and Levi had chosen to fight a battle he was certain to lose. Still, he wouldn't give up, wouldn't give in to rot, for he had made a promise — to defy, to rebel with all his strength against those trying to take away what was his own — his dignity, his freedom, his right to live underneath the sun. To rebel, just like HER act of rebellion, carrying such warm light in the darkness of the underground.

The entirety of the world was his enemy, until their paths came to cross, and Farlan came into his life to change the foundations he had built himself on. Persistent, as if standing outside sealed doors, he'd search for an opening, use all means trying to get closer — to see what was inside and use what he could to his advantage, any weakness of heart or mind. That was the reason at the beginning, and Levi didn’t mind, for he hadn’t anything he could use. For he could see him clearly for who he was and what his intentions were.

Until those feelings began to change in nature, suspicion turned to trust, their alliance into brotherhood, commitment to their common goal turned into commitment to him. Before he knew it, the hatred to serve as Levi's guide for many years, was eased. The loneliness — the deafening silence of an empty room — he had grown accustomed to, would now bring him unease once again. He wouldn't any longer fight for revenge but for a hopeless dream, Farlan's dream, a delusion. He wouldn’t wander the streets like a rabid dog searching for its next prey, the hunter in him subdued, for he had a family to protect.

He was still being tamed, still learning human contact, and how to control the frantic beat of his heart (a response to all his instincts on alert? or a reaction to something else? another feeling he couldn’t yet explain or understand . . . ). With Farlan draping his arm around him, Levi doesn’t pull away. Stay put. Arms are crossed in front of his chest, his posture not changing. Shoulders tense but only for a moment. He doesn’t meet his gaze, concealing any possible uprising hostility (an instinct he was fighting against), before completely relaxing in his presence, becoming accustomed to his touch. One step at a time. ❝ Right, ❞ he responded, even if he hadn't been listening for a while now — couldn't let him know he momentarily lost his composure, that closeness of any kind (physical, emotional, spiritual connection) was unfamiliar to him. Maybe that shot of bootleg whiskey he had just downed was going to help.

[moved-naitfall]

This moment is very important. Levi, Farlan and Isabel are hired to infiltrate the army and kill Erwin ( with Levi wanting to take revenge for Erwin humiliating him ), and suddenly, Isabel speaks as if she wants to stay in the Survey Corps. And Farlan, who is the most logical between the three, notices that and points out he needs to do something before Isabel AND Levi decide to ‘ dedicate their hearts ’. Farlan KNOWS, and Levi doesn't say a THING. Farlan knows how kind Levi is, and how he may be dragged to the Survey Corps, and he fucking WILL, after they die.

[moved--naitfall]

Farlan was a master at lying, deceiving, manipulating. Except he was transparent to Levi’s eyes. Except he wouldn’t lie to him — their bond running deeper, honest to the very core. Their souls they had trusted to one another, the most precious and fragile part of them — trusted their remnants of light, in the absolute darkness of the underground. 

Transparent he’d be — if only the man dubbed captain hadn’t already lost most of his sight. Any dreams that ever resided within died on that day. Eyes ruined, far too accustomed to the dark, blind he’d wander since, the world shaped to what he imagined it to be, void of hope and mercy. His only remaining source of light would be Farlan, blurry eyes following him, failing to see him clearly, see his heart. 

Slaves had no need for eyes. It was his instincts he'd rely on after all, oblivious his judgement was compromised the moment his emotions interfered — unbelievable, but despite all, he still had a beating heart. Confusing and demanding, wholly dedicated to him (how could he serve humanity, when his heart belonged elsewhere?). What would happen of him, was Farlan’s choice alone. Was he aware of the consequences? A selfish man indeed, holding such power over him and not letting go. 

Any coldness vanished the moment the other spoke, as if he had seen through all his doubts, erasing them. Shut it, he had truly said, and Levi complied, having no words to fight back. Weak he’d stand before him, defeated. Eyes narrowed, at the realization there was no saving him. Maybe a tiny part of him continued to hope (hope he'd choose another life, live a few more years), and that part was where the source of all the heaviness, all the pain — the worst kind, the most insufferable of all. It was inevitable though, their fates already decided from the moment Erwin set his mind to make them join the Survey Corps. 

He could have only said the word, and Farlan wouldn't be fighting in the Corps any longer. Levi couldn't keep fighting after all, knowing his presence affected his ability to make decisions. But there was a selfish part of him, who was afraid to lose him. Wanted to let go, and couldn't. Couldn't make the choice, tried to drive him away instead, and failed.

❝ Do you think Isabel died without any regrets? ❞ Eyes full of terror. He could never forget the look on those eyes. It was all about Isabel. Or better — the warning of that day, he'd lose him as well. He'd wave goodbye to him for the last time (an image imprinted to his very being). ❝ Fine. ❞ Even though he had almost died once, he didn't back off. Maybe, Farlan had seen something back then Levi couldn't understand. ❝ If really that is your choice . . . ❞ Maybe he did underestimate him. As if Farlan would fight for a selfless cause. ❝ Guess I'm still a selfish guy as well. ❞ It was only then, that he stared back at him once again. A silent apology, for everything he had said. For everything he had become.

⋆ ┊ . 𝐼𝒻 𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝐿𝑜𝓈𝑒, 𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝒟𝒾𝑒 ◞ 𝖒𝖊𝖒𝖊 . unprompted ˚ @naitfall ⤸ ❝ Live your life while it still has meaning. Don't half-heartedly dedicate it to a purpose you don't understand. Hold onto anything that's still important to you, cause once it's gone — and that time is going to come — you'll regret having not given everything to protect it. ❞ He stood right in front of him, his eyes holding an unfamiliar emptiness. Putting on a mask, desperate to make him understand — Levi was beyond saving, but Farlan wasn't. He still had a chance at living. ❝ I don't want you in the Survey Corps any longer. You're not fit for it. ❞

Yeah, he's seen 𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗦 𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗕𝗘𝗙𝗢𝗥𝗘, and each time (despite such deep understanding) it pissed him off to no end. Can't help the way that anger, betrayal, flashes in widened eyes. How he's so quick to bite back, to desperately explain reason --- but it's that damn look that deflates him. Levi. It's almost laughable, so stupidly and pathetically so, that after all this time, he still didn't get it, did he? Or, was he trying to ignore it?

There's times when Levi has to be cold. He's seen it grow more 𝙋𝙍𝙊𝙈𝙄𝙉𝙀𝙉𝙏 in these gruelling years. So empty. As soldiers grieve with anger and viciousness, lashing out at a man who seems unnecessarily cruel in their eyes; they wonder if he has any humanity left. Was that who'd farlan had become for him now? Just another person he had to switch all emotion off to? Did he want him to look at him like a monster? Because he'd never used that look on him before. You're not fit for it. I don't want you in the Survey Corps.

❝ Seriously, Levi ... ❞ Fists tighten by his side. Don't lash out. Maybe if they were still just lost fools in the underground, he might have tried knocking sense into him. If he didn't know Levi better, he'd take it as an insult. Disloyalty ... or, no, maybe it would be something more. Heartbroken.

Farlan's life had never had meaning from the day he was born. That was the truth for all who grew up in the underground. But for the life of him, he still fought for something. Still tried to find meaning, dreams, in a world that abandoned them since day one. Who was it that grasped those dreams for them? Who talked about reaching the sky itself?

❝ You really are dense, you know that right? Aren't you the one who told me that you don't control me? I'm not your underling, remember? You don't get to call it. ❞ Teeth grit together, and he doesn't budge. Not under Levi's 𝙎𝙐𝘽𝘿𝙐𝙄𝙉𝙂 stare, nor at their close proximity. It would never work on him. Not after being together for so long.

❝ I am 𝙃𝙊𝙇𝘿𝙄𝙉𝙂 𝙊𝙉 to what's important to me. It doesn't matter to me what you want. I'm still a selfish guy. ❞ Funny, he doubts Levi wants to hear it right now, but Farlan has never once tried to hide his reason. He'd play it off, sure, but the truth of it was always transparent; to everyone, it seemed, but the one he needed it to reach.

❝ So I won't regret putting my life on the line to protect it. That's the choice I made. ❞

[moved--naitfall]

@worldhell asked:

❛   volumes .   gaze  at  my  muse  in  a  way  that  silently  says  ‘i love you’ . - farlan c:

𝐋𝐎𝐔𝐃  &  𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐅𝐄𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐒𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄

He couldn’t help but wonder: what was Farlan staring at, wearing such an expression? What was that he saw and where could their perceptions differ? Both curious and unwilling to find out, his nature once again proving to be impossible to decipher. Unwilling, for he believed it was better if he couldn’t see himself clearly — if he didn’t know where his heart found shelter (in his hands, Farlan’s hands). If he didn’t know he was still weak, and could break at any moment, as easy as it was to lose him.

Maybe their hearts weren’t meant to align. A sacrifice he’d make, for his sake. Levi would turn his attention elsewhere, in the opposite direction of Farlan, avoiding his gaze, quite blatantly at that. Resisting to be held captive, give in to hope, the most destructive of human emotions. He needed to be free, to ensure a future for them both. He’d fight against him, the hardest of battles, he’d march forward, to a pace he couldn’t match, clear up the road ahead of all monsters. Didn’t Farlan realize the reason he kept trying to escape him? Or was he more interested in winning this game? A game he had won long ago.

A battle whose outcome had already been decided, where Levi was the loser. Yet he’d refuse to accept his defeat, stubborn as he’s always been, pretending those eyes hadn’t an effect on him. Eyes carrying light, even when having only known darkness. Truth was, Levi wouldn’t have minded to never get to the surface, for he had his own source of light. A light he’d protect at all cost. He couldn’t keep up his act for long, his attention back at him, met with a sight he couldn’t possibly any longer pretend to ignore. He could still be holding such warmth in his eyes. How unfortunate for Farlan, to be met with absolute coldness. Levi couldn’t be any other way, he couldn’t change the way he carried himself — couldn't soften his edges.

Maybe, he should try a different approach. ❝ What is it? ❞ Shamelessly confronted, despite knowing the answer to his question.

[moved--naitfall]

@worldhell asked:

[ hips ]   your muse pulling mine in close by the hips. - farlan c:

❥     𝐍𝐒𝐅𝐖  𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐄   𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍   𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐒   .

A game for two. One where their life could be on the line as well — life as they knew it, as they had found comfort in being. In every challenge, they were together, working as a team, relying on one another, fighting as equals, filling up where the other couldn’t. Farlan, with his devious perception and cool head, and Levi with his instincts and raw strength. Farlan may not realize the countless times Levi had surrendered completely to his will, make the decisions for him, take the lead — ask him to jump and he would, for he trusted him with his entire being. This moment, was one of these times. 

Surprised, his breath caught for a moment, his effort to mask his reaction a failed one. Only Farlan would get to see him without his defenses, share such closeness of both body and mind. If it was anyone else, he would have pushed them away at best, if he could have held himself back from taking out his blade, an instinctual response. There were no restraints between them, granted each other the freedom to do as they desired.

Intimacy was foreign to him, a part not dared to trigger, another weakness of his, a part he had to leave behind in order to keep moving forward. His touch was gentle, comforting, unexpectedly. Was it part of him had been craving to be held, for his hold, to soothe his tense nerves? 

He remained silent. Waiting. Staring. Demanding for action. What kind of action, though? Hell if he knew. In light gray eyes he got lost, focused, frozen before him, like surrendering prey. ❝ What’s on that devious mind of yours? ❞ His lips kept a breath away from touching. Was Levi playing the same kind of game, pretending to be the one at loss? Or was there a different kind of gravity between them, keeping them close, bound to one another? None could escape gravity, not even Levi.

[moved--naitfall]

@worldhell asked:

‘regress’ for whoever you feeling on my side ! eye emote

Send ‘regress’ to meet my muse as a child.

from my archived blog. maybe farlan paid a visit in levi's head? maybe it's time travel? levi hallucinating/dreaming about what's about to come? still, I needed to throw my child @ ya

Hollow and weary, ice blue eyes, unfocused due to absolute exhaustion, contradicting their usual sharpness, met with the kind gaze of someone he was supposed to know, someone he was going to meet, and trust with his humanity (the remnants of it, when the world desperately tried to take it away from him, so the man could be shaped to a tool). Unbeknownst to the child not only there were many years left for him to live, too much to lose, but also someone worth living for, patiently waiting for their lives to align.

Levi's figure was small for his age. He was young, not older than ten, but one could easily mistake him for a six-year-old. Much easier to prey on. Soft dark hair was on shoulder-length. His mother, skilled with scissors couldn't cut it for him for a long time, and Levi didn't care enough to do this on his own. He'd wear a white dress that didn't belong to him — to keep her scent close to his body, her warmth, for as long as he could, now that her hands had grown cold, and he wouldn't find comfort in her embrace ever again.

He could barely stand on his feet. He hadn't eaten for days, and slowly but steadily he was losing his ability to think. He preferred it that way, if his heart wouldn't hurt this much. It'd be an easy death. He hadn't anything else to do with his life after all, now that his only source of light was gone. Had she suffered in her last moments? Was she in pain? For long his mother had suffered, for months slowly fading bit by bit, but had she found a tiny bit of peace before leaving? Soon he'd know. It was decided after all. The weak wouldn't survive for long.

He hadn't the strength to speak, and he rarely did. There was nothing worth saying, and people never listened. But the man stood there, watching him with eyes that held a familiar warmth. What could he possibly want from him? ❝ Who are you? ❞

[moved--naitfall]

Happy New Year! Happy Birthday Gwyn!

random starter for @worldhell with our boys

By the window they sat in silence, Levi's gaze switching between the snow-covered scenery and Farlan's expression of contentment, equally mesmerising to look at. He wouldn't spend the night with anybody else, waiting for the first sunrise of the new year. There shouldn't be anything special about it — Levi had watched enough sunrises in the time they've been living underneath the sun and he couldn't find any rest, but it was a rare occasion, even he found some peace in fooling himself there was something different, even if change resided only within him, within the two of them.

❝ Another year is gone. ❞ Another year they've spent together. Another year of challenges, another year they've escaped death, and could sit together on a cold night and enjoy a good drink together. He gestured at Farlan to refill both their glasses. Levi wasn't fond of celebrations, at forced chances of appreciating what they had (what everyone took for granted most days). This was an exception though, for there was an occasion even he wanted to celebrate — for every single day Farlan was by his side. For every single chance he'd see him smile.

[moved--naitfall]

@worldhell asked:

[ pin ]   your muse pinning mine down. cough, from farlan. with the whole you trust me right? this is a steady process, slow movement, until he's on top of him, and now he can grin down at levi with a teasing wow /I/ have /you/ pinned down. this is also a good spot, good view- (i had to ... the law itself had me at gun point)

He shouldn't have fallen for this. None was able to trick him, it was only Farlan's schemes he'd always willingly fall for. Even when they met many years ago, when Levi was wary of everyone, ready to take down anyone who dared to challenge him, Farlan somehow got past his defenses. Maybe, it was from the first moment, a part of him recognized the one he'd dedicate himself to fully.

❝ What's the point of this? ❞ He wasn't being that serious, someone who knew him well could tell. To the trained eye, he's being playful as well. He could change positions with Farlan easily, but he didn't. He wanted to see what he had on his mind, what he was in the mood for, use him however he liked. Watching his eyes burn the way they did, was Levi's own repayment, after all. The smug smile he wore less often these days, was a sight he'd never get tired of. 

❝ Move. ❞ Why was it he'd say the opposite of what he felt? As if his tongue had its own will, with a wish to make him even less understood, even more difficult to be around. Maybe, it was the survival instincts instilled into him from when he was young — to never reveal what rested inside of him — instincts he couldn't fight against, but didn't need to when he was around him. The relief of being seen for who he was, made sharp eyes soften, even only a tiny bit, almost unnoticeably, while staring at the one on top of him.

[ii-naitfall]

There's a Japanese phrase: koi no yokan. It doesn't mean love at first sight. It's closer to love at second sight. It's the feeling when you meet someone that you're going to fall in love with them. Maybe you don't love them right away, but it's inevitable that you will.

[moved--naitfall]

@worldhell asked:

💋 to kiss my muse - farlan c:

💞 that's amore !!

Playful was his nature — better say sadistic. To Farlan, Levi was prey. Patiently he'd watch him, waiting for the moment he'd lower his defenses to make his attack. Normally, he didn't mind getting played, as long as it was him, Farlan, who wished to play. As long as he was aware of his tactics, and could see through his entire game. He'd be the one to give him the openings, and decide the outcome. Levi didn't mind getting played, as long as he was the one to make the rules. 

But now, he had fallen right into his trap, made himself look like an absolute idiot. Caught by surprise, his heart stopping for the instant their lips made contact. Before his brain managed to catch up, realize what was going on, he had pulled away, wearing a smile on his face deserving a punch. Well, he was the only one who could get away with just a death glare. But what if Levi wasn't feeling like letting him get away so easily this time?

It wasn't a matter of embarrassment, of satisfying his hurt pride — it was revenge. Beat him in his own game, Levi's playful side resurfacing. It was rare, but even he had his moments of wanting to mess around.

His approach was immediate, eyes carrying unforeseen rage, heavy footsteps closing the gap between until Farlan was pressed with his back against the wall. Cornered, now he had become the prey, their roles reversed. He'd press both hands against the wall, on either side of Farlan. He couldn't escape him. This should have been enough. But not what Levi had in mind. 

He'd lean closer. His expression beginning to change rapidly. As the distance shortened, ice blue eyes softened, and when he was a breath away he stopped, staring deep inside, as if he had gotten lost in light gray shades. 

Levi hadn't yearned for anything for most of his life. Hadn't hoped for anything, knowing well the moment he desired anything, anyone, opened up his heart for a single moment, the cruelty to dominate their world would find its way inside of him, ruin whatever had remained. Yet, for some reason, he couldn’t resist him, like a moth drawn to the flame. He was certain to catch fire, yet he remained close. An attraction he couldn't name, and didn't need to, for their bond was beyond their own perception. His hand moved to hold the collar of his shirt, pulling him even closer, to where his nose was almost buried in his neck. If only he could make lips touch . . . 

❝ That was quite the half-assed joke. ❞ Why don't you go all in? Couldn't take the risk? ❝ I win. ❞ He had won, hadn't he? Made him surrender to his will? 

[moved--naitfall]

@worldhell asked:

" i stayed. " - from farlan !!!

the receiver has told the sender that they haven't slept for several days due to intense nightmares, and asks them to stay the night so that they might be able to sleep. send in " i stayed. " for the receiver to waken the next morning and find the sender to still be sitting by their bedside, having stayed the whole night to ensure they slept.

Change. Contrary to popular belief, Levi despised change of things. Adaptability may be a strength of his — he'd be the first to change himself whenever needed in order to survive under any circumstances — but far too attached to any sentiments made as he was, far too accustomed to letting go of everything important, he'd come to despite change. If only he could go back to their first home, the place Farlan and Isabel made their own. If only he could go back to the same morning routine from when his squad was still alive. If only he didn't have to witness the command of the Survey Corps change hands. Far too attached, yet the first to deny the shackles of the past in order to keep moving forward.

Suddenly, they had found themselves in a situation where nothing was the same. A world without Titans, a dream far too unrealistic to have come true. Enemies to their supposed homeland Paradis — the two of them had nowhere to belong, not really, citizens of the underground, of darkness. Having killed sacrificed one of their own ( they weren't that unfamiliar with it, were they? ), someone placed under his care, Eren, the one Levi used to believe was humanity's hope. Having survived long after they had submitted to certain death.

Farlan was alive. They had lost everything along the way, but they hadn't lost each other. Fighting was over, even if only temporarily. Fighting for their lives was over.

He couldn't recall when was the last time he had slept in a bed, mattress and all. Their roles reversed, the one sitting in the chair watching after him, being Farlan. For long Levi hadn't been able to sleep at all, his mind beginning to deteriorate as days passed and he couldn't close his eyes for longer than a few minutes. Insomnia had kept him company for years, since he lost his mother, but its leash had never been this tight, suffocating him, until he couldn't any longer breathe on his own. Weakness of body and mind wasn't entirely unfamiliar to him, yet this would make it the first time he'd allow the other see him in this pathetic state ( a state he couldn't help )— or so he thought.

Who would have thought, nightmares would come to haunt him the most when the real nightmare was over? He hadn't exactly asked Farlan to stay — the two didn't need words to communicate. The other had noticed, the only one who watched him same way Levi watched others, with piercing concern. ❝ Thank you. ❞ Showing gratitude wasn't what was painful, but once again relying on him, once again placing more weight on his shoulders than he was supposed to carry. His driving force he had been for many years — living for Farlan, to protect him, care for him, stay human for him, from when they were both young and full of grand dreams of sunlight. How could Levi keep holding him down, to his own darkness? If only he wasn't certain Farlan wouldn't let go.

He grabbed the cane by his bedside, attempting to get up with intention to get to the kitchen, before deciding otherwise, a sigh following his frustration. ❝ Have you eaten anything? ❞ Still recovering, still healing, still struggling on getting used to his body failing him. He wasn't supposed to be moving much, but he couldn't stay in one place either. Stubborn even when pain meddled with his ability to think, to act, to pretend to be his normal self.

[moved--naitfall]

It was the biggest curse of all, having someone worth living for. Nightmares kept Levi awake at night, occupied his mind at day. Hesitant he'd be on the battlefield, his focus elsewhere whenever things got dire. Haunted by the certainty one day he was going to lose him — any of these days, death kept at breath's distance whenever they marched outside the walls. Didn't Farlan understand asking him to retreat wasn't a matter of trust but self-perseverance?

The person Levi used to be and despised, was that he saw in Farlan's eyes. His own reflection, the one Farlan still believed (or better say, wished) he was, someone he desperately tried to deny. It took almost losing everything, losing him, to realize he had been leading a worthless life.

How many lives had he taken? How much blood spilled? Their blood, her blood could have only stopped him — Isabel's blood on his hands. Losing his family, witnessing them lose their lives because of him, could have only made him realize just how rotten he was inside. Farlan may not have actually died with Isabel, but Levi had. Selfless, as if lacking in self, he promised to become that day — dedicate his life to serve, instead of destroy. Yet, there was him, always watching him, knowing him for who he had been and accepting him, caring for him, as if trying to awaken all the parts Levi had been trying to bury, all his selfish desires.

Are those your orders, Levi? As if paralyzed by his words he'd be, the only person who had such power over him being Farlan. He couldn't respond, say a single word, nor look him in the eyes. When had Levi ever pretended to have any authority over Farlan (when it was the other way around, even if unbeknownst to the second)? When had they stopped being equals? Levi had never treated him otherwise, never attempted to take away his freedom, never looked down on him, trusted him with his life time and time again, always had and always would. He was no leader in the first place, even if mistaken for one — wasn't he the reason Farlan nearly got killed once? How could he make any decisions about his life?

Truth was, if Farlan decided to stay, he wouldn't resist. He wouldn't force him to leave his side. His weakness he was, the reason he couldn't dedicate himself in its entirety to serve humanity. For he was the keeper of his last piece of self, a part stolen and well-hidden inside of Farlan, kept safe from Erwin's hands, from the cruelty of the war they had chosen to take part in.

He wouldn't lose his life. He had someone to return to. Soldiers lost, waiting for him to pay their sacrifice meaning. ❝ I won't. ❞ It was his responsibility alone to take those Titans down, for he was named Captain of the Survey Corps. Farlan couldn't think clearly, couldn't see the bigger picture. He wanted to protect him, help him. He'd doubt his strength, his ability to fight on his own. They both had changed, after all. Why else, had Farlan joined the Survey Corps? What for, had he been fighting?

┊ ┊⋆ ┊ . 𝐼𝒻 𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝐿𝑜𝓈𝑒, 𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝒟𝒾𝑒 ◞ 𝖒𝖊𝖒𝖊 . accepting. ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ @naitfall ⤸ let me handle it ,  just go ! (at a muse of your choice)

❝ hey (...) levi you can't be-! ❞ he bites those words closed, teeth clenching together with hardened brutality; he feels it in the way his throat grumbles, tongue rooted and pressing hard. farlan knows why, deep down, (...) he isn't stupid, nor blind to what levi was doing. what he was always doing, right from the start. isn't that right? from the moment he got pulled out from that titan's stomach, just what did levi see, exactly, when he looked at farlan now?

it wasn't exactly the time to be bringing it up. fists clench deeply against the hilts of his blades. ❝ you're being irrational! I get that you're strong, but if we both take them down, it'll be a more efficient sweep up- ❞ because abnormal titans were just that. abnormal. unpredictable. there's no telling what might happen. is that why? what ... do you see now levi, just what-

let me handle it, just go!

eyes widen, and he takes a step back. despite the appearance of more titans incoming from the near distance, his focus is kept on levi. in that same comparison, levi hadn't met his gaze. Haha (...) he doesn't know if he wants to laugh, or punch him. but he feels his rising frustration is nothing to the sinking feeling in his chest.

they've been here before. ❝ are those your orders, levi? ❞ and still, so much had changed. just when had levi stopped trusting him? since farlan almost died? since levi marched forward with those wings on his back?

❝ you really have no faith left in me, do you? ❞ words are muttered, quietly, pitifully- so, instead, he snorts. it's empty and void, a bit spiteful, but it's enough for him to regain composure. he sheathes his blades in defeat, whistling for his horse.

❝ I'll rendezvous with the supply team. not that you need me to tell you this, but just don't die. ❞

[moved-naitfall]

Doomed they were, to a lifetime of darkness. Undeserving by birth, to ever see the sunlight, and the infinite blue of the sky to dominate their dreams and imagination. Thrown away in this dark corner of the world, when having nothing to lose, one would show what their true nature was like. Some had chosen to become one with the eternal night, while others still fought to live in the daylight, refusing to give in to what fate had decided for them.

He didn't know any other way to be. It was his strength he'd rely on ( on its different forms ). The only way Levi had survived all these years wandering the underground streets — the only way for the three of them to survive, if wanting to earn a ticket for above ground. Farlan's frustration with his manners was expected, yet inevitable, Levi not intending for them to submit to anyone's requests. It was a more free life they chased after. They wouldn't bow before anyone to achieve it.

Ironic was life, wasn't it?

“ We don't need scum like them, ” he mumbled before taking a seat, legs crossed, sharp eyes pinned at his companion, examining his way of reacting, sympathizing with him even if having no regrets. Levi trusted in Farlan's judgement, more than he openly admitted, but there was a line he wouldn't let those people cross, no matter how useful they could be to them. Hadn't they chosen to live with PRIDE, even in this rotten dim place? If they ever gave up on their principles, they'd become one with the dirt, one with the low-lives they stepped upon, to get one bit closer to the surface.

another day in this shithole, another issue to deal with; his friendly (if not unnervingly menacing) demeanour drops the moment the trader leaves. Immediately dropping to his seat, a heavy scowl pulls at his lips, && he curses inaudibly under his breath. Whatever the contents in the closest drink next to him were, he was sure to down it; if only to control his annoying. Safe to say, this was their home, so it's fine to drink from unattended mugs.

❝ I thought I told you to follow my lead dammit. ❞ Levi was reliable, so much so that he doubts either he nor Isabel could get as far as they had within the underground ━━ but, shit. His people skills were a constant hassle for Farlan. Yeah, the man was a disgusting, vile individual, he could get killed in the back alley for all he cared; but that could wait until Farlan got enough money for them to get the fuck out of this place. Or, at least keep them breathing for another week.

The man sighs deeply, running fingers through his hair. It could have been worse. Isabel wasn't around for one. ❝ Don't threaten potential buyers. They're intimidated enough with your presence alone. Well ━━ at least it's over with. ❞ @naitfall